Nega
I am certain that there is no other more negative person in the world than me.
It’s less than a month before my family and I go home for a much anticipated vacation to Pinas. Since January, it was all I could think about. I even bought our tickets as early as February so I’ll have an exact time and date to look forward to. The months came and went in a blur. I didn’t care much about what went on. I was just focused on August to arrive so I can go home. As I was packing my balikbayan boxes and going looney trying to fit all my stuff, it hit me: What happens after the vacation is over and I had to come back here?
So my “nega me” has reared it’s pessimistic head once again. Instead of imagining the warm welcome hugs of a homecoming, I can only think of the tearful goodbyes. I can already feel my heart getting heavy from the thought of leaving home again. I do not relish the idea of spending yet another Christmas away from family and friends, of going back to work and trying to survive the office politics I never seem to get, of taking lunch breaks alone, of being endlessly cold during another dreadful winter, and of feeling unbearably lonely in a foreign land that I can’t embrace as my own. 
Seeing my thoughts in writing as I do now, I realize how silly I am for being such a pessimistic. I’m spoiling my own vacation before it even started. So I turn to a printed copy of Desiderata that I posted prominently in my office cube and read a passage to calm me: “But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.”
These are dark imaginings indeed. I know they will come but not before I enjoy 19 days of pure joy of being surrounded with laughter and love, while eating sisig, crispy pata, tibok-tibok gatas at Susie’s, halo-halo, Didi’s pizza and fishball. 26 days to go and counting down…
