Wall
The heat in the car was stifling. We have been going through a heat wave this past week and today’s daytime high was supposed to be another record breaker. Still, I decided I was going to spend my lunch break in my car just to get away from my desk for a while. So I rolled all the windows down and placed the sun shade squarely in the windshield. I seated me in the driver’s seat for that was the only spot that the sun didn’t hit any part of my body. Then I settled down to have private conversations with my favorite essayist and modern philosopher – Robert Fulghum.
As I read through a collection of his essays, a light bulb went off: Now I know why I can’t seem to make any real friends from work. You see, since I joined this company I work with now, I’ve beaten myself up for not being able to make really close friends. Sure we’d exchange pleasantries in the kitchen each morning as each of us makes our own morning beverages. Some would ask
if I ever get tired of green tea. Then I’ll ask them about their weekend or they’d
ask me how’s-it-going. But that’s as far as we go and it starts all over again
the next morning like a ritual. Have I taken my suplada-attitude to a higher
level? I hope not. Have I regressed to the shy little girl I once was? Maybe. Still,
it doesn’t make sense why I have not really clicked with any of my colleagues
here. That’s when Fulghum, in one of his “fuljumisms”, gave me an answer. It was because even though I spoke very good English, and they have gotten used to my “cute little accent”, we did not share the same cultural experiences. Therefore when we think we’re communicating, the reality is, we just assume we are.
For example, why would this girl from accounting spent all her lunch breaks everyday last week getting a tan from a nearby tanning salon before her boyfriend’s parents came to town? Or why this guy from IT was so excited about going camping in the mountains where bears lurk. Or why half of
the people were gone during the July 4th week. Or how last year, everyone was so wired about Thanksgiving but couldn’t care less about Christmas. Lastly, why does every stranger ask “how-are-you” and never wait for the answer?
I know I will always be an outsider looking in for even when I will come to understand, I don’t think I’ll ever share in these traditions. I will never go out of my way to be darker than I already am, go gaga over parties and fireworks in July, or eat a turkey with cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving. There will always be that invisible wall of cultural divide.
Oh, and one more thing, now I know why I’ve held back on my usual “pamimintas” that my friends found hilarious. People here will not find it funny and I could get sued for it. And that’s not going to be funny at all.
on January 31st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Okay, I gotta know…what’s a “pamimintas”? I promise I won’t sue…
on February 1st, 2008 at 9:20 am
Hmmm, that’s a tough question Mindy. I guess the closest translation would be criticizing in a half-joking way. Or I’d even say, it’s what Simon Cowell of American Idol, does very well. Anybody out there have a better answer?
on April 18th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I was in a handwriting analysis seminar recently and this graphologist told me that I am socially selective. He said it’s in my handwriting..Oh well, honestly I couldn’t establish close ties with colleagues. I don’t know why..I hope fulghum can also provide the answers. I’d rather be immersed in a book than go out with gals. I go to starbucks for my favorite brew by myself. I am happiest when I am with my sons. I draw strength and inspiration from them. But I have weak ties with friends…but you know what? Sometimes I find that there is strength in weak ties..