Solitude
I found this nice little park tucked in a gated neighborhood near my office. So today at lunch, I decided to go there and enjoy this balmy autumn day. I didn’t have my walking shoes with me so I brought my sandwich (that was all I was having for lunch) and another Fulghum book I bought over the weekend. I was looking forward to lunch when I planned to sit down and just be.
When I got there, there was no one else in the park. I guess the chilly weather
discouraged most. I saw a lone jogger who passed through but for the most part, I was the only living soul in the park and it was blissful. There was a panoramic view of the Sierra, the higher elevations sporting white caps of snow. The trees are beautiful as they have just started to change color. There is a sudden burst of yellows, deep reds and purples. This is my absolute favorite time of the year before the leaves fall off and old man winter takes over.
The solitude doesn’t bother me anymore. When I first came here, I felt very lonely when I didn’t have anyone to take lunches with or if I were by myself to do stuff like shopping or getting haircuts. But now, I realize that being alone doesn’t mean lonely. These moments of “aloneness” are precious times that I give myself - when I don’t have to be forced to listen to other peoples’ problems and gripes. It seems that I get those a lot lately, especially from work. For some reason - my office mates think that they have bigger problems or their lives are more colorful and more dramatic than anyone else. In the office kitchen, or when they drop by my cube, or when we go out for our smoke breaks ( we power walk instead of smoke) - they dominate the whole conversation. Whatever the reason, they like talking to me because I listen. We Pinoys are better at conversations, I think. We know when to talk and when to listen. But now, either I’ve ceased to care or I’ve had a gripe overload. In any case, I’m glad of my lunch hour solitudes when I can hear myself think again. Oh yeah -I still talk to myself in Kapampangan, thank goodness! That’s one less thing to stress about.
