Indelible
In one of my earlier blog posts, I wrote about Footprints and my aha moment about the kind of mark I would like to leave in every one of the people I meet here in the US. This morning, as I settled into a comfortable freeway speed on my way to work, I realized there is a flip side to that. It dawned on me that there are several people who’ve left marks and even scars on my heart. In fleeting moments of recollection, I hear their voices, feel their hugs, remember their faces.
There’s my old college roommate. She’s an atheist. I remember how shocked I was the first time she declared this to the rest of our roommates. I was staying in Sampaguita Dormitory in UP Diliman and shared a room with three other girls. Coming from a Catholic school from elementary to high school, imagine my surprise when she said she didn’t believe there was a God or that people have souls, or that there was an afterlife. This life we have now, this is it. I remember feeling very sorry for her when she received a call from the province that her father was very ill. She cried as she packed but couldn’t draw strength and comfort from the Lord. There were also nights when she’ll wake me up and tell me that someone or something was whispering in her ear. Boy did I hate those nights when I’d have goosebumps all night from fear. She was my first atheist up close. I would encounter several more after her but no one had the most impact to me than she did. She was my perfect example of how desolate it can be when you don’t have God on your side.
Then there’s Prof. Mallari, my Communications1 professor, who thought I was making a huge mistake for shifting from Economics to Tourism in college. She thought I had the gift for writing and told me I was throwing that away by pursuing my childish dream of being a flight stewardess and traveling abroad. When I said goodbye to her on my last day in UP San Fernando, she wagged a finger at me and shook her head in disappointment. I knew in my heart she marked me as a failure.
I still can’t say whether she’s right. I never made it as a stewardess. Cathay Pacific turned me down on my first interview. I managed to work in the tourism industry for a little over a year before I got married. But what kept me going was my image of her that last day. I cannot let her be right. One of the motivations I have for trying to succeed in my career is to prove her wrong. The irony is, I’m exactly where she said I should be. I now write and I edit for a living, with my American co-workers looking up to me to tell them how to write in English properly.
To be continued…
